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30 April 2010 @ 08:46
come back to us  
I wanted to talk about this yesterday but I was too mentally exhausted too. We went to her wake yesterday. It was another emotional day to go by. It felt strange somehow that she's there and not there at the same time. Yesterday morning I dreamt of her and her beautiful smile. She was writing letters to her parents just before she left and then I woke up asking the same question again, how is it possible that all this has happened at all.. Even though I'm not a close friend of hers, I still share the grief.. After attending her wake and seeing her, I felt more at peace and yet more surreal than ever. When I saw her looking so peaceful, I felt slightly relieved thinking maybe she has/had found some peace elsewhere with our prayers. But yet she just looks like she was just sleeping and that she would wake when she's not so tired anymore - if only that can happen; if only time could turn back.. After settling down, I kept thinking about how it has happened so fast.. How it all felt like a dream that we all pray and hope that was not true and that we would all wake up to realize that it was indeed just a dream... If only.. 

On my way home after night class, I suddenly felt the urge to listen to David Cook's songs.. I played Come Back To Me and I nearly cried on the bus. The lyrics reminded me of you struggling to find yourself but you lost your way after much struggle and yet your friends were there waiting for your return, patiently but surely.. )': 

COME BACK TO ME

You say you gotta go and find yourself
You say that you're becoming someone else
Don't recognize the face in the mirror looking back at you

You say you're leaving as you look away
I know there's really nothing left to say
Just know I'm here whenever you need me I'll wait for you

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

Take your time, I won't go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left them
I'll be here for you

Oh and I'll let you go, I'll set your free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you, come back to me

I can't get close if you're not there
I can't get inside if there's no soul there
I can't face you, I can't save you
It's something you'll have to do

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me
Come back to me

So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you, come back to me

You find you, come back to me
When you find you, come back to me (us)

When you find you, come back to me
)': Although I may not have fully accepted the fact that you aren't here with us physically but I'm slowly accepting it, taking it slowly as each day comes. After the past few days of losing my senses completely, I'm recovering all this slowly but surely.. Mel, I know you don't know me well I'm not even sure if you remember me but you will be missed & thank you for the memories no matter how brief it has been <3 
 
 
Current Music: David Cook - Come Back To Me
 
 
 
♡ ESTHERautumnballad on 2nd May 2010 16:39 (UTC)
you.. totally wrote down how i felt.
two weeks and it still feels like he's there. because i dont rly see him thats why.

well.
mcmellymcmelly on 3rd May 2010 04:07 (UTC)
he will always be in your heart <3
it takes time, no worries
i still can vividly see her face every once in a while